We’re gearing up for a big move. We’re in the final stages of buying our first house and, if all continues to go smoothly, we’ll be moving in the last weekend of September. We’re excited to have a place to really call ‘home’. A place that is ours, a place to make into our own.
Before we move in, I want to cleanse the space. I know what that means, literally speaking. I know I’ll have to purchase some smudge sticks. Plan a crystal grid. Maybe make some crystal essence water. But, from a spiritual stand point, I’m lost and confused.
I’m a true ‘newbie’ when it comes to Paganism. I’ve pretty much known that I am a Pagan for about four years. That’s a pretty long time! But in those years, I’ve had many a setback, change of heart, and distraction to keep me from learning much about what it means to be a Pagan. But, I think that’s a good thing. It’s brought me to where I’m at today.
Let’s start at the true beginning. The first moment I thought that I was a witch at heart.
I was nine years old. My best friend at the time, V, had invited me over and she was telling me how she’d decided she was a witch. Her whole family was very into Halloween and ghost stories and whatnot, even though they were Christian. They’d all had many ghost experiences and were always eager to share them. So, when V told me she wanted to be a witch, I didn’t bat an eye.
Now, this next part is going to date me. It’s either going to make you go, “Oh, she’s so young!” or “Oh, she’s so old!” depending on your age.
I told her that I’d learn to be a witch with her and we headed up to her dad’s computer and booted Window’s 3.1 and hoped on NetScape Navigator. About three hours later (after all the page loads and whatnot…) we had a few print-outs of love spells, banishings, and rituals. Way cool!
We looked them over. The spells called for things like rose water, witch hazel, wormwood and a ‘sample’ of our soon-to-be lover via a nail clipping or shed hair. We stared at each other. Whaaa?
Despite not having anything for our spells, we carried on. We drew pictures of what we thought rose water, witch hazel and wormwood looked like. We grabbed sticks from the back yard and used them as wands. We wore table cloths for cloaks. For all intents and purposes, we considered ourselves witches!
It was short lived. We ‘cast a spell’ on some people in our class, mostly hexing them for cutting in front of us in line or for hitting us with a ball at recess. Silly stuff. Stuff that never amounted to anything.
But, it planted a seed. And when I finally moved out of my parent’s house and into my DH’s house (before we were married, just six months after we met!) I felt a sense of freedom I’d not felt before. The freedom to research and experiment spiritually.
Me re-awakening into Paganism/Witchcraft began with watching Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter with DH. We watched LOTR just shortly after I met DH. We watched what Harry Potter movies were out at the time just shortly after that. I started reading all of the Harry Potter books the next year. In all this time, I kept asking myself: Can this be real? Can this be done? Can you really live such a fantastic existence?
I checked out every book I could from the library. I read every webpage I could find about Wicca. I decided I’d be Wiccan. I tried to memorize the different deities. The different sabbots, esbats; the wheel of the year. The color, gemstone, and herbal correspondences for spellwork. The moon phases. Anything I could get my hands on.
And then, I’d go through a phase of thinking I was being silly. Of course magic isn’t real. What, am I nine again? And I’d not read anything or research anything for a few months. Then the Pagan seed would sprout up a bit more and I’d start all over again. That lasted about a year and a half or so before I started really questioning if Wicca was for me if I kept tossing it to the curb.
I thought about it for a few days and decided that maybe my problem was because I didn’t believe everything Wicca said. I was trying to, but I really wasn’t buying it all. I loved the ideas of incorporating herbs, stones and crystals, moon phases and the seasons into my spirituality, but I just couldn’t bring myself to pray to deities, to set out an altar in a specific pattern, to perform rituals wearing certain colored robes. It just didn’t resonate with me.
And once I let that go, I was able to filter. I took what I liked and left what I didn’t. I read the chapters I was interested in. I printed pages I resonated with. I used the pick and choose method. I became Eclectic and I didn’t have to force myself to do or think anything. And it was great.
That brings me to where I’m at now. For about two years I’ve been Eclectically picking and choosing what makes me Pagan. It’s been a slow process, but I like that. Sometimes, in my life, I rush things and get burned out. I’d rather slowly accumulate things and love every minute than feel like a religion has been forced on me again, much like Christianity was forced on me as a kid.
So that brings me back to where this blog post started. I feel called to cleanse our new house before we move in, but I’ll have to do a bit a research on what exactly I need to do. How to put my intension in it. How to make the most of my smudge sticks (hehe).
So, tell me. How do you cleanse your spaces?
I’ll be getting back to you soon on what my research has uncovered…
Love each other,